How to Find Your Soul Mate – Part 1

The following is a 100% true story. I have changed the names because finding one’s soul mate is a personal matter — perhaps the most personal of all.

One day a decade ago, my friend Sylvester (not his real name) confided that his greatest wish was to find that special someone. He was an intelligent and sensitive young man, and I assumed girls found him attractive, so I was a bit surprised when he admitted he had been lonely for years.

He asked me for help specifically because he knew I had found my soul mate. He could feel my happiness and he sensed I had some insights that might help him. He was right.

“How do I know I have a soul mate out there somewhere?” he asked.

“Most people do,” I told him. “As spiritual entities, we all come into this world with our soul companions. Some of these companions you have already met — you know them as your acquaintances, family members and close friends. Some of them you haven’t met yet — and your soul mate is among them.”

Step 1: In order to find your soul mate, you must first believe, with complete certainty, that he or she is out there to be found.

“I’ve been looking everywhere,” he said, “but there is no sign of her anywhere.”

“Well, the soul mate is usually not found in the same way that you search for and locate other things in your life,” I told him. “Your soul mate is not so much a thing to be found as she is a spiritual essence to manifest.”

“Sorry,” he shook his head. “You lost me there.”

“Think of it this way,” I said, “if you want to hire someone for your business, you can advertise the position. Candidates will show up. You’ll interview them, and eventually you will choose someone. Finding your soul mate is the complete opposite of that. Rather than to advertise externally, you prepare yourself internally. Rather than to interview a bunch of people and choose someone, the right person for you will appear, as if by magic, and when that happens, you will know she is right for you. It’s hard to believe — until it happens for you. Then, you have no choice but to believe, because you have experienced it firsthand.”

“Okay,” he was skeptical, but he was willing to go along with it, just in case the whole thing was not as crazy as it sounded to him in that moment. “So how do my prepare myself internally?”

“Clarity is the key,” I told him. “You have some notions as to the perfect girl for you, but what is she like? What does she look like? What is her personality like? What are her special qualities? You have to get clear on everything. The best way to do that is to write it all down.”

Step 2: In order to attain clarity about your soul mate, you must write down everything you can think of about him or her. What is she like physically, mentally, and spiritually?

“How do I do that?” Sylvester asked.

“The exact method is not as important as actually writing it out. Use your computer and your favorite word processor, or just pen and paper. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you must write out a description of her that is as complete as possible. Describe her looks, her physicality; her mind, her outlook on life; her deepest beliefs, her purpose, her values. Be specific, but not so specific that you make the manifestation impossible or difficult.”

“Do you mean like, striking the right balance between being too specific and not specific enough?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. If you describe her as looking exactly like your celebrity crush, that’s way too specific. On the other hand, if you describe her as ‘beautiful,’ that’s not specific at all.”

“But… how would I know what her personality is like? I mean, we’re talking about a person I haven’t even met yet.”

“This is not about predicting the future or making guesses about someone who has not yet appeared in your life. It’s all about you visualizing the existence of your perfect soul mate. If such a person exists, what kind of personality would she have? What is her attitude about life?”

“Okay… I think I get it.”

“So do that first. Let that be your first exercise. Write about your perfect soul mate. You don’t have to show it to me or anyone else. Do it for yourself. When you have something you’re happy with, we’ll continue our conversation.”